I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
