My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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