What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
