that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
