I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
