In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
