What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
