I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
