i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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