me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
