so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
