He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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