Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
so much tequila, so little girl.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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