belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
