we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
