We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
