we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
