It's Friday. Sex?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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