My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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