Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
