Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
