dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
