Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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