I wish I only lived at night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
