yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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