i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
