Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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