I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize