my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
