i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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