im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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