she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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