So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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