idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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