the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
