Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
