he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize