I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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