I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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