i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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