Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
