I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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