She's JV to your varsity
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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