He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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