Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Randomize
