I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just gargled with NyQuil
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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