You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
