i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
