What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
