Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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