your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
