nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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