how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
