I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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