the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You took a bar mat shot.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
