my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
