I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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