just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
