you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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