people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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