Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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