Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Where is the hickey?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
