Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
