but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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