dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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